


How much for that puppy in the window?

by lifelesslyndsey



Series: How To Teach An Old Dog New Tricks [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Some girl on girl, are you really going to complain?, but only for a second
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-13
Updated: 2013-07-13
Packaged: 2017-12-19 08:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/881391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifelesslyndsey/pseuds/lifelesslyndsey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Darling, sunshine, light of my life----”</p><p> </p><p>“We’re not dating anymore Tony,” Pepper reminds him, and Tony sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“Angry blonde harpy,” he says instead, dropping down into her desk chair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How much for that puppy in the window?

Tony makes it a point to always visit Pepper when she’s in office, which is admittedly not often.  Which is probably why she humors him. “Darling, sunshine, light of my life----”

 

“We’re not dating anymore Tony,” Pepper reminds him, and Tony sighs. 

 

“Angry blonde harpy,” he says instead, dropping down into her desk chair. “I thought you didn’t hate me. I thought we were friends.”

 

Pepper barely spares him a glance as she flips through files on the holoscreen. “Hmm? I don’t hate you. I don't remember scheduling in Tony Stark Ego Stroke hour either.”

 

“See, your mouth says you don't hate me, but your actions say otherwise. If you didn't loathe my very being, than why,” he asks, through clenched teeth, “have you cursed me with the terrible fate that is Darcy Lewis?”

 

Pepper _does_ look at him then, brows pinched and mouth pursed. “What? You don’t like her?” She looks genuinely surprised. “I think she’s a doll. Right up your alley, really.”

 

“Like her? Like her? She’s evil!” Tony gestures wildly, eyes wide as he pushes up from her chair to pace. "Just tell me what I did wrong. Did I forget your birthday? Did I sleep with your sister?" 

  
Pepper snorts. "I don't even have a sister. Tony, seriously? What did Darcy do?" 

 

"Do? _Do_?" Tony doesn't even know where to begin. Actually, that's a lie.  “She’s bossy!, She tells people what to do and what's worse is that they _do_ it! It’s crazy, I don’t even get it. She picks up men everywhere we go; I can’t take her anywhere! She’s got an ego the size of manhattan, and people like her for it.  She’s a manipulative little heathen; she convinced a Geology major to switch to Liberal arts! Not to mention, she flirts with Bruce non stop. And I’m pretty sure she used my good bourbon for her cereal when we ran out of milk in the lab fridge. Who does that?”

 

Pepper stares at him for a long moment. “Okay,” she says slowly, setting down her tablet. “I’m going to repeat what you’ve just said to me, and replace every female pronoun with a male pronoun. Then I’m going to ask you a question.” She clears her throat. “He’s bossy, he tells people what to do. What’s worse is that they do it. He’s got an ego the size of Manhattan.  He picks up women everywhere he go's. I can’t take him anywhere. He’s manipulative. He hits on Doctor Banner. He drinks bourbon for breakfast. Now, barring any previous knowledge of Darcy  Lewis, were someone to come to me with this argument, who would you assume they were speaking of?”

 

“You left out the part where people like me for my ego. Huh.” He stares at Pepper for a long moment. “Huh. You hired lady me.”

 

“Honestly, I thought you two would get along like fire,” Pep admits. 

 

“You hired lady me,” he says again, grinning because Pepper might be evil, but she’s also a genius. "Would it be very vain of me to sleep with her?" 

 

"Very." 

 

Tony thinks she's probably right, but also doesn't care very much. He's never met a girl quite like him. "Lady...me." 

 

“Fight fire with fire,” Pepper grins. 

 

He kisses her square on the mouth. It seems like the thing to do. It’s a testament to Pepper’s good will that she lets him.

 

“Hot damn,” Darcy says, fanning herself from where she stands in the doorway. Pepper pulls away from Tony, slapping his shoulder lightly and giving him a _look_. The one where she lifts a single brow, and smiles thinly, the one that says 'do that again and see if I play nice'.   


Tony doesn't see it. He's looking at Lewis. 

 

The dirty converses and ratty jeans are nowhere to be seen. Darcy's dressed instead in a high waisted, cream colored skirt and blood red blouse. It’s a testament to whatever created it, the way it molds to her ample everything.  The girl is built like a comic book character, like a villian, dangerous curves and sharp smiles. She is the complete opposite of Pepper in every way, Tony realizes. Just like he was. “Can I get in on that too, or is this just a bossman thing?”

 

“We’re all friends here,” Tony says, as he rocks back on his heels.  “Stark Industries is all about equal opportunity employment."

 

Pepper snorts. "I'm not sure that's what that means---  
  
  
Tony waves his hand at her. "Semantic. Sharing is caring, or whatever. Right, Pep?”

 

“Sure Tony.”

 

Darcy grins and it does things to his stomach. Twisty uncomfortable things. The girl grins like a _shark_. “Well in that case." She strides across the room in four short steps. Tony finds himself grinning too, stepping forward to meet her in the middle.

 

Except... Darcy passes him  without so much as a backward glance. She passes him in favor of planting one on Pepper. His ego is bruised, and his libido confused, as Darcy slips Pepper tongue because _what_.

 

"Ah...." He flounders for a moment. "I believe this violates the fraternization rule. Certainly, violates something. I feel violated just watching. Please continue." 

 

Darcy pulls away with a flush-faced gasp. “Anywho Pepper, I just stopped by to tell you that the Haliarch Representatives had to cancel. I’ve rescheduled them for next month, and pushed up your Foreign Dignitaries conference by an hour. The Japanese Prime seemed pleased to see you sooner, though your meeting will be cut short by half an hour, so he can catch his plane. That gives you just enough time to grab a mani-pedi. I’ve asked Happy to pick Carlos up from Santanas Day spa, and bring him here, instead of having you head downtown during rush.” She eyes Tony for a moment, cheeks still pink. “Tony has a three o’clock meeting with R and D, so if you you’re going to lunch, have him back by two-thirty? ”

 

She turns around before Tony can even protest being spoken about as if he isn’t there, and heads for the door. Pepper stops her. “Darcy?”

 

“Hmm?” Darcy asks, as she reaches the door. 

 

“My gum?”

 

She pops a bubble, and grins. “Finders keepers, bossman.”

 

It's a testemant to how far he's really come, that he waits until Darcy is gone to look at Pepper. “What have you done?”

 

“I like her,” Pepper says, with a shrug as she re-applies her pale pink lip stick.

  



End file.
